You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
