That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
