I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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