after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
