Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
