During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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