I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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