even my farts smell like vagina
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
