Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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