I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
