Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
