did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
