its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
