Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You ate ashes out of my bong
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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