He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
