I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
