so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
