He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
