my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
