I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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