Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
