You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I want is dick and wine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
