He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
