Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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