you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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