Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
