What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
high people should be assigned attendants
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
