At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
