people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
