Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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