My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
