im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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