omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
