you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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