Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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