so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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