she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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