Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
