He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
