I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
