I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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