Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
