eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
