YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we should paint friendship bongs
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