Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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