I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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