do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
