Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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