How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
