Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
