I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
