chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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