I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need a burrito and a hug.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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