conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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