i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
