I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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